The $140 popsicle

I have to have the nastiest carpets in 'hood. Last week, a few drops of coffee sploshed out of my mug to the carpet, and I didn't even bother to try to clean it. It's that bad. Although completely mortifying, the nice thing about totally ruined carpet, is that it's less stressful. When the Pinenut pees on the carpet, Mr. Hilarious spills red wine, the Walnut barfs, or the Peanut knocks over a full mug of coffee, it's okay. I mean it's already ruined. Note how none of it is my fault. Mr. Hilarious has gotten to the point where he doesn't like to invite people over. The carpets coupled with our 1970 hand me down pink and blue tweed couch with a gash in one cushion and neon green gum on the other is simply too much for him. I, on the other hand, am the first to volunteer to host a play date. 20 kids, glitter glue and kool-aid - no problem.
Lately, the carpets have gone from stained to filthy. My husband inferred "we" weren't vacuuming enough. "We" means "me" since I am the sole cleaner which is why the home is a mess. I discovered that our pricey Dyson cleaner (a gift from my mother in law - a hint, maybe?) was not doing the job. It wasn't sucking at all, or it totally sucked depending how fond of puns you are. So I finally got around to taking it into a repair shop. While there, my Pinenut says "I have to pee on the potty!" While he doesn't do this at home, I have to take him when he asks. When we emerge from the bathroom, the repair-man has the Dyson in pieces and is holding a popsicle stick.
"Here's the problem!" Apparently that stick lodged in one of the pipes which created a dam for popcorn, and the tube was totally blocked. I was so excited that the machine wasn't broken. The shop is mother, son plus the grandma and grandpa and two dogs! How can you not trust these people? However, when the repair-man says "I'll clean her up for you and give it a basic tune up for $80," I wanted to say "oh, no thanks!" and scoop up all the pieces and bolt. That is probably bad form with the whole family there, so I skulked away thinking I just wiped out my "miscellaneous" money for the month.
Then the repair man calls the next day saying I need a new belt for 60 more bucks. I asked Mr. Hilarious who said "I guess we have to pay. I mean, it's not like we really know." And we don't really know, so what can we do? So I paid $140 dollars for sucking up a Popsicle stick, which shouldn't have been on the carpet in the first place. That's basically a new vacuum. Looking on the bright side, it is nice to have a working vacuum. I came home and vacuumed, filling an entire canister in just one room. Gross! I then borrowed my friend's steam cleaner. I have to say, the carpets look awesome. Mr. Hilarious says, "They still like look garbage." True. But it's clean garbage.