I've moved!

I've moved to Wordpress and changed my name!

Visit me at maggieandthenuts.com

Thanks for your patience while I transfer posts and get back into a regular blogger habit.

Make Your Own Volcano

I got this wild idea that I should start doing science experiments with my kids. My little sister and I used to love watching Mr. Wizard on TV when we were kids. Although I don't remember actually doing any of those experiments, I do know we regularly made our own erupting volcanoes.

Over the years, I have mastered the homemade kitchen volcano. It's the only science experiment I actually know off the top of my head, so this is the one I did with the Nuts when I decided to be their Mr. Wizard.

After 25+ years experience, here's how I do it:

1. Make the dough. You can use any dough recipe, but this is the one I use because it smells good, I have everything in my cabinet, and it's already brown.

3 C flour
1 C salt
3 Tbsp veg oil
1 1/2 C hot water
1 C cocoa powder

I just throw it all in the mixer and add a few drops of water if it looks too dry. This is the Pinenut's favorite part.



2. Mould the dough around a 16 oz bottle. I guess you could use a 2 liter, but you'd need three times the dough. That's like 9 C of flour and 3 C of cocoa. Do you know how many double chocolate cookies you could make from that?



3. Mix 1 Tbsp dish soap, 1 Tbsp baking soda and 1 Tbsp on water. Pour into volcano. The dish soap makes it bubble, not fizz. Oh! And add some red food coloring, if you have it. If not, the kids won't notice the lava the blue, or whatever color your dish soap is.


4. Pour about 1 C vinegar into the bottle. It will take a few seconds to react and bubble up, so you don't have to drop the measuring cup and run for cover. You have time. It also doesn't shoot out. It bubbles over, like most volcanoes in real life. This is supposed to be a learning experiment, not a movie prop.

But make sure your kid actually pours the vinegar into the bottle, not down the side, or you'll have a mess. That's why I always put our volcano on a baking pan.

Ah, now he got it in there! Awesome.

We did save this volcano and did a few repeat eruptions over the next few days, but remember there's still vinegar and left over solution in the bottle, so you'll have to pour faster. Also, the overwhelming stink of vinegar will eventually get you, forcing you to pitch it. In my case it was two and a half days.

Spartacus

My extemely fit cousin convinced me to try out a workout she's been doing called "The Spartacus." I was able to find it online here at Men's Health Magazine so I don't have to video tape myself doing the moves. Thank goodness, because without an iphone, I'll never get around to that (I am talking to you Mr. Hilarious).

I consider myself in great shape, and wasn't sure if this 45 minute workout was as tough as my cousin bragged. I really like to mix-up my non-run workouts because if I do the same thing week after week, I don't feel it anymore. I'm the type that likes to feel a little sore after strength training so I know I actually worked something.

I did all of the exercises with 8 pound weights and was pouring sweat by the end. It seemed to go quickly either because you are moving to a new move every 60 seconds or I had great company.

After my post-workout shower, my legs felt a little jello-ish and now, my butt is sore even though I am just sitting here. I will definately do this routine again, although I hope I don't end up looking like this guy:

Go Fly a Kite

Ahh, Spring. Some look forward to blooming flowers. Others are excited for baseball season. My 6 year old, the Walnut, can't wait to go fly his kite. I look forward to this as much as I look forward to mowing the grass on the backyard hill and weeding thistle. The problem is the Walnut can't fly a kite. I can't fly a kite. Does anyone really know how to fly a kite anymore? It's some kind of lost art, like origami. Just like our paper cranes look like wadded up fast food napkins, we can't seem to get our kite to stay up more than ten seconds. The attempt usually ends with a frustrated Walnut and a mom ready to "loose" the kite for the rest of the year.

We had an especially windy day recently and actually considered the kite flying attempts more successful than usual. The Walnut asked if I would video tape it. I think he knew this was the peak of our kite flying career.

The Evolution of St. Patrick's Day

We are a proud Irish family and take great joy in celebrating our holiday, St. Patrick's Day. When the kids were very young, I would meet my cousins at an Irish pub to watch Irish dancers and listen to Irish music. We'd go early, before any of the Irishmen drank too much, and head home for an Irish dinner.

When my daughter was a preschooler, we started making cards and sent them to family members complete with a photo of the kids in Irish garb.

When they started school, I would bake shamrock cookies for them to share with their classmates. I'd also play silly "leprechaun" tricks like die the toilet water green or sprinkle gold glitter on their pillow.

My daughter became an Irish Dancer five years ago and walked in the St. Patrick's Day Parade as well as performed at schools all over the city. Our day was non-stop from 7AM until 8PM, and we barely had time to eat. St. Pat's became one of my most dreaded days of the year. I would still make Shepherd's Pie to eat before we collapsed in exhaustion.

She quit dancing this year, and when she told me she wanted to quit (because "it's getting competitive, and I am just a social dancer") I was thrilled to reclaim St. Patrick's day. This year I was so relieved we didn't have to do anything for St. Patrick's Day, that I didn't do anything. I didn't cook anything, buy anything, or make anything. We didn't even go to the parade.

I have to confess that I don't even feel slightly guilty for ditching the past traditions. Maybe I'll play some leprechaun tricks next year or make Irish Stew, but it was nice to have a year off.

Handymom

I started detail cleaning the bathrooms on Sunday and decided to fix the stopper in one of the bathrooms. It regularly doesn't seal causing the toilet to run. Mr. Hilarious hates home repairs and would rather pay a professional. I figure a plumber would charge the same as a year supply of Starbucks. So I convinced myself I could fix it. Obviously I am slightly delusional. After two hours, this is what the toilet looks like.



And this is how I fixed it.



It will stay this way until my very handy father-in-law comes in town.

Cinder-gigi

My 5-year-old neice, Gigi, is a cleaner. The last time she spent the night with us, she made all the beds and picked up the bedrooms. My daugher said, "I wish Gigi could live with us. It would be like having our own Cinderella!"

My sister tells me her daughter is a cleaner because she never complains about cleaning, and it's something the whole famly does together. I tried this technique. On Sunday I said in my, "We're going the park!" voice, "We're going to clean together today!"

My three little nuts moaned and groaned. Half way through the day, my sister sent me this photo of her daughter:



This was the end result of my kids cleaning their playroom.



At one point, while I was scrubbing the shower, the kids decided to play with play-doh all over my newly mopped kitchen floor. They were quiet, tucked behind the kitchen island like they were hiding.



Making the doh mess quietly and without fighting and letting me clean in peace was the most help they had been all day. Today, I'll take it! Next week, we'll work on actually cleaning.

Mr. Handsome Pants

From the time they are able, my kids dress themselves. I only have one rule: if you are going to wear shorts in winter, don't complain to me that you are cold.

It's shocking, but 9, 6, and 3 year old sometimes choose some pretty wild outfits. I do occasionally get the "you're a crazy mom" look, but most of the time, people laugh. I don't think anyone assumes that I paired the sweatpants with the argyle sweater. It can be challenging to bite my tongue when the kids come down wearing their eclectic ensembles, but not getting them dressed myself is worth it. Because it rarely happens, they don't give me a hard time when I do ask them to change their clothes when it matters, like a wedding. We've never had a fight about clothes. That's a success story right there.

My youngest son, the Pinenut, is quite the fashion superstar. He has three go-to wardrobe pieces he continually sports.

#1. Cowboy boots. First arriving on the scene last spring, these $1 garage sale find boots have walked all over this town. When wearing them, he greets people with "Howdy Partner!"


#2. Shades. Through rain or shine, snow and sleet, these babies are always a must have accessory. They go with everything. I took this photo by the window so you could see there is about 5 inches of snow on the ground.


#3. Sweater Vest. This piece is so versatile because it can be dressed up with a pair of cords or made more casual with a pair of pajama pants. It can be layered or worn alone. Frontwards or Backwards - it doesn't matter! Sweater vests always look great!



You may think the fact I bring my kids out in public places looking like this almost everyday is embarrassing. But if you think that, your kids aren't dressing themselves allowing you ten more minutes of sleep, are they?

Muddy Thaw

When the sun starts shinning and the snow finally melts, parents around the midwest rejoice! The kids finally get out of the house and run off all that pent up energy. The house is cleaner since the kids spend less time in it messing it. It should be an easier, more care free time. My kids, however, find a way to make it more messy because under all that snow and sludge is a little bit of green grass and a whole lot of mud.

No Better Deal

I hate paying full price for anything and have gotten pretty suave at searching the web to find the best price on something I want.

I have had my eye on the Green Machine for the Walnut's 6th birthday. (Read why I call my kids nuts)


I have actually wanted to buy it for him last year and Christmas too. He tries to do 180s and 360s on his bike now so I was convinced that the Grreen Machine would be the perfect toy for him to satisfy his thrill seekinging dangerous side.

The problem: it's $100. At Chirstmas there were sales for $80, but I gambled thinking it would be even cheaper after Christmas. However, the prices went back up, and I couldn't find one cheaper than $95.

Because the total amount I try to spend on birthday gifts and celebrating the day is $100, I was about to give up. Then I found No Better Deal.




The website sells open box and "as is" returns at huge discounts. I was nervous to try it especially because I couldn't find many customer reviews of the site. But I wanted the green machine so badly, that I eventually risked it because the website promised free returns. I ordered the Green Machine for $44.

It arrived in only four days. I put it together the night before the Walnut's 6th birthday. The hardware was all loose in the box, but it looked brand new. It was missing one nut that I bought for 14 cents at the hardware store and works perfectly. What a find!

The Walnut loved it and couldn't wait to try it out. Of course, the perfect gift turned out to be not so perfect when he couldn't reach the pedals. Even though I told him he would have to wait, he insisted on trying it out anyway. He couldn't pedal it down the driveway and spent the next hour crying and yelling about how much he hated it and how unfair it is to not be big enough for anything.

So I do recommend No Better Deal, but I don't recommend the Green Machine for the average sized 6 year old. I'm sure he'll grow into it within a year. In the meantime, it's MY new favorite toy.

Ticker*

I've had to a * to my ticker. Despite my best efforts to be better at tracking my miles, I just can't remember if I added to it or not.

So if you look at my ticker and it makes you feel bad because you aren't running as much as I am, don't feel discouraged. I probablly added the same run twice on more than one occasion. And if you think you are better than me because you have twice as many miles, I probably forgot to run half my runs. And you are mean!

I think this * will work out well for me.

Lucky 7

I ran 7 miles yesterday, the longest I've run in over four months. Not only did I run seven miles, I crushed them. I tell people that I run a ten minute mile, but I ran it under 64 minutes. That's an average 9:13 minute mile.

During my six week break from running and my very gradual mileage increase, I did a ton of strength training and cross training. Obviously, it made a big difference in my time. I feel like such a stronger runner.

I've never been a stop watch kind of girl, and I care more about distance than time. But I have to admit, I kind of impressed myself. And that's why I run.

Puzzles

We had another snowday Friday, and I got the brilliant idea to go through all the puzzles in our house and get rid of any that were missing peices. We had 21 puzzles so it took the rest of the weekend to do them all. Only one had all the peices.


Most of them looked like this:



But some looked as bad as this (and this is after we found three peices of this puzzle in the train table):



We did find many stray peices in a little bin where I toss lost game and puzzle peices and were able to complete 5 puzzles. Although I was very motivated to toss puzzles when I started this project, I realized that puzzles missing one or two peices are still fun to do. So we kept all the ones that were missing just one or two peices as well. We ended up throwing out only seven. At the end we still had a random collection of puzzle peices with no puzzle. Where did they come from?



Doing puzzles is very calming for me, and I had some great chats with my kids while we did them. My daughter told me about her school projects, my son told me about all the junky things he wants to eat on his birthday and my three year old told me ghost stories about big foot.

Because I liked doing them so much, I have an urge to go out and buy more puzzles. I felt like I was cleaning, bonding with my kids, and playin all at the same time. My son's birthday is coming up in just a few days... But I guess 14 puzzles is enough for one household.

Kick Boxing Kicked My Booty

My friend Amanda convinced me to try out a kick boxing class she has been raving about. I've done my share of Turbo Kick and Tae Bo and have never been overly impressed. This class was at a martial arts center and nothing like the home videos I have tried.

I am so sore today that I barely lift my arms to type. When I laugh, it hurts. When I sneeze, it feels like I am being stabbed in the stomach. If this is the kind of workout you are looking for, I will try my best to remember the plan for you to try yourself.

First drop to a plank and do a push up, then return to standing. (Push-up Burpee)
Repeat, doing two push ups before standing.
Repeat, doing three push ups before standing.
Continue this pattern, adding on push up each rep until you have done ten push ups.
This video shows a push-up burpee, but don't forget to add on push ups each time you drop down.

Now you've already done 55 push-ups so if you want to stop now, I would still said you had a great work out. And you'll probably be able to function normally tomorrow. If you want to rip all your upper body apart so that you can't even lift your baby, read on.

Do 20 push-ups making sure your chest touches the ground. You don't have to push back up. Just go down until you touch the ground and get yourself back to the push up plank position.

Do 5 sets of 10 regular push ups each with a 10 second rest between. (I did these on my knees because my arms were already shaking).

This next exercise was called "a break to give our upper body a rest". I wish we would've just kept going, because it made my quads start to burn too.

Do one squat jump. (Touch the floor, bending at the knees and jump up.)
Do two squat jumps (make sure your fingers touch the ground each time you squat)
Do three squat jumps. (Rest only a few seconds between and stay in the squat position with your hands touching the floor when resting.)
Repeat this pattern adding a squat jump each time until you have done 10 squat jumps. Here's a video of a guy doing a squat jump, but this is what the last set will look like. You can pause just a few seconds in the lowest squat position between reps. .


You want to quit, don't you? But you are only 15 minutes into an hour and fifteen minute class.

So drop and do 10 triceps push ups (your hands close together, making a diamond under your chest so your tris are targeted)
Do five sets of 10 triceps push ups with 10 second rest between.
I confess that I only did 5 push-ups each set. I couldn't do these fast enough to keep up with the count. But I still think 25 push-ups after the million I already did was pretty good.

Do a burpee.
Then do a burpee but kick back to a plank pose and hop your legs between your hands twice before jumping to standing.
You guessed it. Add one more out and back each time until you have done 10 out and backs.

Now do a push-up that takes 10 counts. It's harder than it sounds. Hold just barely an inch from the floor for ten seconds. Now take ten seconds to push back up. Repeat these ten times. I found myself unintentionally lying face down on the floor almost every time I counted down. My arms were like jelly.

Now do a push-up and raise your right arm. Hold a second, then put the arm down and do a push-up. Raise your left arm and hold a second. Lower and do a push-up. These aren't one armed push-ups. You raise your arm between the push-ups. Repeat until you have done 10 on each side. This move really works your abs as well as your upper body. I wish I would have done it the beginning of the class because I was totally wimping out at this point. I could barely hold a plank pose.

Do 20 "races." You start in the push-up pose then go to your forearms, then back to your hands, and so on. Think "up, up, down, down" while keeping your core and legs steady. Do 20 on each side as fast as you can. Here's a video demonstrating this move.


I'm sure there was more to it, but the fact I could remember this much while in so much pain is impressive enough. I'm sure it's enough to get your arms, shoulders, back, and abs burning.

We then did 45 minutes of cardio kick boxing. My arms barely worked during this part, but I enjoyed it. Then again, I would enjoy anything after that grueling push-up "warm-up".

Let me know if you did this and how far you got before your arms just gave out.

1st outdoor run

I actually ran outside last week, but it has taken me a week to upload my photos to the computer and then from my computer to the blog. Another reason I *need* an iphone. (Mr. Hilarious, I am talking to you)

Last week, we had a beautiful 50 degree, sunny day. I took advantage and had my first outdoor run of the year. Altough most of the snow and ice was melted from the streets, the sidewalks weren't exactly clear.



But six miles flew by and I remembered how much better it is to run outside than on a tread mill, even if it does mean you have to hurdle over dirty mounds of snow. My new shoes, with only 30 miles on them now look officially broken in.



I am so glad I took advantage of that day because the weather quickly returned to the 20s, and we even had another snow day yesterday. I am eagerly awaiting my next outdoor run.

Unplugged

My son the Walnut told me and Mr. Hilarious that when he grows up he doesn't want to get a job. He wants to live in our basement and watch TV and play the wii all day. When we told him he couldn't live with us, he said that was okay. He would just find someone with a wii and live with them. Mr. Hilarious said, "Sweet. We just saved about 50 grand on college tuition."

I realized my Walnut was addicted to the boob tube. When he told me he didn't want to do a 100 peice jigsaw puzzle because it was too hard, I realized he was wasting his beautiful brain. I decided to unplug the TV during the week.




The first few days were a wild success due to a heat wave. After months of freezing weather, we saw sunshine and temps in the 50s. He played for hours outside. I praised my excellent parenting decision.

However, once the weather dipped back into the 20s with strong winds, my Walnut started testing me. He's always bored and pleading for some screen time. He hates playing alone so instead of writing during my youngest's nap, I have become my older son's playmate. I will soon have many blogs of the new, creative indoor activities we've tried. Unfortunately, he is taking up all my time so I will have less blogs in general. It's the price I pay for refusing to let his brain rot away on Mario Galaxy and Phineaus and Ferb.

Blogging Doh!

I have told a few people about my blog and started feeling a little self pity that no one actually stopped by to check it out. Then my mom told me she couldn't find it. That is when I realized I have a typo in my URL! I think as far as blogging goes, that's the biggest faux pas there is.

Maybe I should take this as a sign that blogging isn't for me. But I am a stay-at-home mom desperate for a writing outlet, so I am not giving up. I have checked out some library books on how to move a blog. I think http://mommyarathon.blogger.com just isn't going to work. It's going to be work for this non-computer mom so I may be absent for a while until I figure it out.

Valentine's Day Dinner

I promised an update on our plan to surprise Dad with a fancy candlelit gourmet dinner. We all looked fabulous, even Mr. Hilarious, who has to be blurred so he can keep his privacy. He says he's an accountant, but I think he may be in the CIA. Or the Mafia, but I don't think they have a strong presence in Indiana.


Our table looked very elegant with our fancy folded napkins, candles, and flowers.



Mr. Hilarious bought us all books and wrote us the sweetest love letters.

Okay. So here's what really happened. When there is a plan with many parts, it usually doesn't work out, and I have to rely on my excellent ability to just wing it while keeping myself from bursting in tears.

The grocery had no steak. Really! Who runs out of steak? I considered taking the three nuts to another grocery store, but instead I sighed and chose a marinated pork tenderloin. Still fancy, but much easier to cook since you just stick it in the oven.

We did not even attempt to make the paper rosettes. We ran out of time, of course. My daughter, the peanut, made the heart snowflakes, but my son, the walnut, refused to make them and made his own regular snowflakes instead. My youngest son, the Pinenut, ripped up both kinds of snowflakes, and they all cried. With a little help from Scotch tape, they were able to salvage enough to cover the windows.



Then it was time to get dressed. My middle nut is the most fashion conscientious in our family and the most excited to get dressed up. Unfortunately, I was not prepared and forgot that the last time he wore dress clothes was two sizes ago. I found him in his room desperately trying to keep it together while he gutted the closet searching for something to wear. Since I keep the bins of to-be-grown-into clothes in the closet, it was a huge mess.



I took a deep breath and shut the door. Then I called Mr. Hilarious and blabbed the surprise. He stopped by Kohl's and bought the Walnut a shirt and tie. He was thrilled. The Pinenut, wearing a complete suit with the tie OUTSIDE the jacket asked Mr. Hilarious, "Where are your pretty clothes?" So even Dad dressed up.

With everyone happy, we sat down to dinner. Of course the timing was off, and the tenderloin took thirty more minutes to cook. The mashed potatoes were cold, and the creamed spinach was soggy, but the wine we drank while we waited was perfect. And the torte for dessert was amazing.

Considering we have three kids and nothing ever goes according to plan, I would say that this Valentine's Day was a perfect!

Valenine's Day

I am a sucker for Valentine's Day. Even if Hallmark made it up, I love a day dedicated to making over the ones you love. This year, the kids and I are going to surprise Mr. Hilarious with a candle lit gourmet dinner. We will make decorations like this one from Family Fun Magazine:



We will attempt to make these super cute paper roses from Thrifty Decorating, but use a photo instead of newspaper.



For the main event, I will prepare pepper encrusted steak with a Marsala cream sauce and my all time favorite dessert - Ghirardelli Triple Chocolate Truffle cake.




Like most of my ideas, they are easier to talk about than actually do. I will update on Monday. If it all fails, Papa Murphy's has heart shaped pizza!

Parent of the Year

Mr. Hilarious sent an email forward with funny photo capturing excellent parenting. This was one of my favorites:




It reminded me of a time I was shopping with my boys and we went to the wine/beer aisle to pick up a bottle of wine for a hostess gift (for someone else, I swear!). My Walnut spotted a Newcastle mini keg:



My son said, "We should get this because this is your favorite beer and then I can bring you and daddy beer all day and you would never even have to get up! I would just bring you more and more."

I caught the eye of the older lady in the aisle with me. We exchanged quick, weak smiles, and I got out of there before she called social services.

Night Off

Mr. Hilarious sent me a text while I was at the auto repair shop that read:

"I can take the kids to a movie tonight if you want a night off."

I looked at my two boys running amok in the tiny waiting room spilling goldfish all over the floor and felt like I had just won the lottery.

A night off is the best gift a stay at home mom can get. All I had to do to get it was literally scream in the kitchen after the four day ice captivity, "I am going crazy!"

I do not recommend this method. For one thing, it makes me seem, well, crazy. It also led to a heated argument about who cleans up after themselves more often. (Duh, it's me.)

However, I have a night off. I thought I would spend my hours writing in peace and quiet. I did, right after I watched two episodes of Grey's Atatomy, Season 1 on Netflix and ate chocolates. I felt like I was in the lap of luxury.

I do believe every mom, working, married, single, young and old, is entitled to a day at home with no kids, no cleaning, no laundry. It's so good for the soul. Next time, I'll just ask nicely.

Ice Day 3

Three days of school closings in a row. We had to get out of the house today. I don't think any family friendly magazine would actually recommend our ice day activity, but we tried it anyway. We went ice sledding on the little hill in our backyard.

It was absolutely hilarious and luckily my Walnut is a tough nut and didn't mind slip slidding all over the place. He took dozens of nasty spills, but laughed through the whole thing.

We had a complete blast and finally discovered a way to burn off some of our cabin fever. Here is my honest, real mom opinion (rating 1-5 astericks).

Set up: (****) Getting on all those layers and finding sets of gloves took some time.

Equipmentment (****) We didn't have matching gloves for everyone, but we were all covered with something.

Rules: (*****) None. The kids quickly learned the only way up an ice covered hill is groping along the neighbor's fence, but they had a great time trying other methods.

Minutes before complaining: (*****) 15. Although there were some comments of sore butts and cold toes, they were all said with a laugh.

Minutes before both kids quit: (*****) Over two hours. (!!!!)

Summary: This could be very dangerous and not for whimps. My very girlie peanut didn't even come out until the tough Walnut convinced her it was awesome. Even she had fun skating on the ice and sledding down the hill. I wouldn't recommend this without making you sign a wavier first, but we loved it and will be doing it again tomorrow. That's right. School's already been called off tomorrow.

Ice Day 2

Okay, repeat of yesterday. The sleet is still coming down making the roads too scary for school buses, and also me. Once again, we are trapped indoors.

Today we tried a version of indoor hockey. The kids played on their knees using wooden spoons to hit a sock/tape ball into laundry baskets. Here's my honest, real mom opinion (ratings 1-5 astericks).

Set up: (*****) 3 minutes, including moving the couch for more room, taping a sock into the shape of a ball, and emptying laundry baskets.

Equipment: (*****) Had everything we needed, and didn't even need to search the back of the craft closet.

Rules: (***) Problems arouse with goal tending and if a goal counted if the ball didn't stay in the basket. These should be decided before the start of the game.

Minutes until complaining: (*) 2

Minutes until both kids quit: (*) 4

Summary: The game started out fun with lots of laughing. However, the ball would pop right out of the laundry baskets so the goalie would claim no goal, while the shooter claimed a point. It was too soon before they both started complaining their knees hurt. I was amazed there weren't any injuries with those swinging spoons. They both said they didn't want to play every again. Bust!

Ice Day

We woke up to a thick sheet of ice and no school. I love not having to wake up early, heard the chickens through the morning routine and then drop the older two at school. However, an ice day is much different than a snow day. I walked outside to get the mail and didn't make it off the front step before I was flat on my back. I quickly crawled back inside before anyone saw me and am waiting for the thaw before getting the mail. We were all trapped indoors.

A family can only spend so many hours playing the wii, watching cartoons and playing board games before the kid energy starts boiling up like a volcano ready to burst. There are millions of suggestions for indoor active games, but are any of them really worth the time and effort? I tested one and here is my honest, real mom opinion (ratings one to five asterisks):

Game: Race on hands and knees with pillows on your back. Add pillows each lap. If the pillows fall, return to start.

Set up time: (*****) 3 minutes, including vacuuming the floor

Equipment: (*****) On hand pillows

Rules: (*****) Simple and easy

Minutes until complaining started: (*) 2 minutes

Minutes until both kids quit: (*) 2.5 minutes

Summary: Too hard for little kids. It's no fun to move super slow. Either do not make it a race or be as silly as possible. Regardless, this is a short game and will only take up a micro fraction of a shut-in day. Even though the set-up time is lightening quick, it was still longer than time my kids actually played it. Bust!

Why I Don't Blog Everyday

Yesterday, while I was writing, my three year old was busy discovering his creative outlet. The damage was across three different rooms and done in seven minutes. As you can see, he also ate something sticky.

Where is your head?

My daughter is a chronic forgetter. She got a B in gym because she forgot her shoes over half the time. She should have got an F. She forgets her homework, her lunch, her permission slip. She forgets to put her dish in the sink, the towel on the hook, her shoes by the door.

I know what some of you are thinking. I need to remind her about her shoes and bring her homework to her when she forgets it. Aren't parents supposed to help their kids succeed? And oh my God, a B in gym! She may not get into Harvard if I don't bring her shoes to her!

I realize some of this may seem like lazy parenting. I never read her assignment notebook or look through her backpack. I don't even check her homework to make sure everything is right. I don't help her on school projects, so hers is often the most amateur - which it should be because she's nine! Does the teacher really believe a parent didn't "help" the girl who made the three dimensional paper mache goblet for her book report cover?

But I do struggle a little. We've missed a back to school picnic and two fundraisers because I never got the flyers. Well, I was secretly relieved about missing the fundraisers. However, her missing homework or misreading directions makes me sweat a bit. Should I look over her shoulder to ensure good grades? How will she learn to be accountable? I have to let her learn these hard lessons now. That way if she forgets her term paper in her dorm room, I won't have to drive to Harvard to go get it and bring it to her.

We have to let our kids forget things and suffer the consequence to make them responsible. Right? Right? Please tell me I am right, because I saw her tennis shoes by the back door, and it's a gym day.

About the Categories

Just Laugh: Funny stories where my kids either embarrassed me, I embarrassed myself, or I thought about running for my life out the backdoor.

Just Sweat: Excersize does amazing things for my mood and is often the way I blow off the stress of being a mom. I share and review exercises as well as tell my personal goals, successes and failures.

Just Try It: Honest, real ideas of games and crafts to do with your kids from a real mom. Sometimes those parenting magazines with their craft lab and 18 assisstants make you feel like a bad mom because your craft time ends with tears and a big mess. I'll only recommend things that worked for us.

Just Eat It: Honest, real ideas of things to cook for your family. No rare ingredients or long recipes to follow. Because we all know that 20-minute recipes are really an hour when you are cooking without a sous chef while helping your oldest with homework and your youngest has a vice grip on your leg.

Just Easier: Great products or ideas that have worked for me.

Just a Contest: Because moms don't get job bonuses, but deserve one. Send me your funny stories when you wanted to quit being a mom, but didn't. I'll share them here and give the one that screams "I need a break!" a Starbucks gift card. To start, I will give $10 of my own money, but if the blog generates any revenue, I will add it all to the prize. Visit this post for details.

Cooking for Moms

One of my best friends from high school and his wife just had their first baby. A woman I volunteer with recently had her third baby. And a third woman I think is crazy and try to avoid at all costs also had a baby.

I told my husband I had to make three dinners for new moms this week. When I told him who the moms were, Mr. Hilarious said, "Okay, one of them I have never even heard of and the other you don't even like. Why would you cook for her?"

I cook for moms not because they are my friends. It's because having a baby and then staying home with them, whether it's for six weeks or 18 years, is hard. It's not like a really hard project at work where you celebrate with a fancy dinner or spot bonus. We moms don't get cateered in lunch or office Starbucks runs, raises, or office happy hour.

Someone is sucking on, pulling on you, calling for you, needing you almost every minute of the day and night. You can't even take your time in the bathroom.

I cook for them because they deserve it. We have to help each other out, because no one else will. It's my way of giving them a little bonus for a hard job well done.

Mr. Hilarious said, "Don't you think your bonus is when your kids smile at you?"

Really? REALLY? After a day of removing cottage cheese from the windows, rotten milk from the car seat, and jolly ranchers from my hair, I want my bonus in Starbucks!

Snow Ghost

I felt some guilt that I had not played with my kids in the snow this winter. For the same reason kids' hate naps, they love to play in the snow. It's a totally mystery. I would rather scrub the toilets than put on twelve layers of clothes to go out in the sub arctic winds to build a snowman. However, I got this wild idea that good moms play with their kids in the snow. So off we went to build a snowman.

As we start packing the bottom ball, my oldest, nine years old, said, "We've never built a snowman."

"That's not true." I told her. I actually do have proof in a photo of her standing next to snowman built by herself and me and her dad. However, I think she is two. The boys can make a case. They have probably never built one.

Six minutes into the project I realize why they have never built one. Building a snowman is HARD! And it FREEZING! Ten minutes into the building, I get the snow shovel thinking that could speed things along. Twelve minutes in, with frost bitten fingers and snot frozen on my cheek, I declare the snowman complete.

"But it doesn't look like a snowman!" All three kids whine.

"It's a snow ghost!" I exclaim. "Let's go in, tell ghost stories and get some hot chocolate and donuts!" I have long ago learned that the best way to drag kids away from something they deam as fun is to promise junk food.

I did remember to snap a photo of the snow ghost so they will remember we did play in the snow. Lord knows I won't be doing it again for at least four more years.

The Day After

Yesterday I was sick. I laid in bed most of the day thinking if child services saw my poor neglected children, I would be arrested. On their own, they ate junk food and watched tv all day.

This morning I woke up feeling so much better, until I saw the kitchen. What a disaster. No one washed one dish or threw away one peice of trash. It was a wreck. I yelled at all my nuts and Mr. Hilarious that this was just more proof that they all thought I was a maid. They were just waiting for me to feel better so I could get up and clean up their mess.

This maid wants a raise.

Running by Feeling

Mr. Hilarious has been working insane hours and suggested we all do something fun together on Sunday. I said, "That's a great idea. You do something fun with the kids, and I'll take a day to myself." This mom needed a day off.

I started my day at the Y with Amanda, my best friend, running partner, and free therapist (she is gestalt trained). She received a book called Run: The Mind-Body Method of Running by Feel. Neither of us have read it, but just by the title, we decided we both agree that running by feel is the best way to go. In a mom world dictated by bus, lunch, nap, and soceer schedules, our plates our full. Sometimes we have zero energy to run one mile, and if our training schedule tells us to run eight miles, we feel like a failure when we don't.

Last year, Amanda and I took a year off from races and ran just for the fun of it. I'd be lying if I didn't tell you it was largely because I didn't want to spend the money paying for races. I also didn't want to spend the money for new shoes and am still paying for it. Replace those shoes to stay injury free!

Running without a schedule was amazing. We both ran farther and faster than we ever had before. When it was hot and humid (or one of us had a few drinks the night before), we ran until we couldn't take it, sometimes only two miles. But when the weather was right and we needed to vent, we could run ten or more miles without even realizing it.

We didn't use a clock, and we don't have a gps so we don't really know how far we ran, but we were runners. I also think I was the most mentally fit I had been in a long time. I wasn't stressed out because my kid was sick and I couldn't run, and I didn't have to leave any parties early to get to bed because I had a long run in the morning.

As this book warns, this kind of running is not for beginners. It's also not for those coming back from an injury. I ran four miles yesterday and felt like I could run four more. However, I am so cautious not to over do it and reinjure myself. I'm sticking to a strict running plan of one mile a week increases until I am back to 30 miles a week. However, I am truly looking forward to the freedom of running without a schedule, and the reward of running as far and fast as my body needs. It's a different kind of run.

Baby Blues

I don't know if it is legal to post someone's comic on my blog, but I couldn't resist. I love Baby Blues and read it every Sunday. I swear this mom could be me. She even look like me - dark poofy hair, frazled look on her face. This strip really captures what I'm saying here: raising kids is like running a marathon every single day. Run, mom, run!

Lemi Shine

I love it! I don't know what is in it, but it is some kind of miracle. Yesterday, I told my husband I wanted to move because hard water and I have been at war since we moved in and it has won. It has taken over and since we have no access place for a water softener, we just had to move.

Mr. Hilarious didn't think this was funny and did what he does (research) and comes home with this stuff (5 bucks at Walmart). I pour it in the dishwasher and... Magic! The dishwasher is cleaner than it was when it was brand new. I think someone has crept into my house and switched out the glasses because they sparkle like diamonds. I used to soak them in vinegar weekly to get the hard water off them, but they've never looked like this.

My shower door has been crusted with hard water since we moved in. I've tried every single product out there, including ,my own elbow grease, but this LemiShine wiped it right off.

Everything just feels better. This morning, my son held one of our newly washed porcelain bowls and said, "whoooo, this is so soft."

The bottle says it's all natural and environmentally friendly. I find it hard to believe, since it works like some sort of magic acid, but I will believe it because I don't want to know if it is actually really bad for me. It just made me love my home again.

Breakdown on aisle 10

Ronan was so excited to get new shoes. "Mom! When are we going to go to Target? You said we can get new shoes!" He's been wearing his snow boots for about six weeks straight. Poor kid needs some shoes. So the three nuts and I go to Target today to get some kicks.
I am hoping for a sale, but just really hoping to be in and out of there in fifteen minutes. We book it to the shoe department. Ava measures Ronan's foot while I scan the two rows of boys casual shoes. One starts at size 13 and one ends at size 12. My big boy is a size 13.5 and gets to move up to the big boy shoes. Exciting right! No! That's when they take the velcro off and replace them with laces. I knew this day would come. I mean eventually everyone wears tennis shoes that tie. But I am not ready today! I am willing to fake though, because what else can a mom do?
Ronan will not play along. He throws himself on the floor sobbing that he can't tie his shoes, he WON'T tie is shoes, he won't practice. He will just wear the snow boots until he dies. Really, he said that. I told him everyone needs to practice and he sobs, "No they don't. Everyone else just knows how to tie and can do it the first time." He enters the I-will-refuse-to-listen-to-anything-reasonable zone.
UGH! I consider bribing with candy, and I consider what things I can take away from him without punishing myself more. I just want to throw down the diaper bag (yeeees, my three year old still needs diapers) and walk out the store, march over to Starbucks, sit at a table and cry.

Mop

I asked Mr. Hilarious for a Shark steam mop for my birthday. He guffawed, "I am not getting you a mop for your birthday." Instead, he bought me a very fancy black satin dress and heels. Then he took me to a very nice dinner. The dress is beautiful and the restaurant was elegant, but I was actually disappointed I didn't get the mop. Luckily, I was able to pool enough cash birthday and Christmas gifts from the aunties and grandmas to buy myself a steam mop. I don't get many fancy dinner invitations and since we have no weddings on docket for this summer, I am willing to bet I will not wear that dress again this year. If I had a steam mop I would use it religiously every day (well, twice a week) and my home would sparkle and everyone would be happy.
I bought it New Year's Eve and while we were at a party, which turned out to be a surprise birthday party, I kept thinking, "I can't wait to get home and try out my new mop!" It hit me that I have crossed an age gap between young thirties and old thirties.
I finally got to try it out yesterday. I vacuumed the tile and removed everything not built in from the kitchen. It was appalling how disgusting my floor was. I currently mop once a month, give or take a month. I started mopping and the dirt and gunk did come up. When the box promised the floor dried instantly, it wasn't lying. In fact, it was like pushing around a dry mop on a sticky floor. After thirty minutes of pushing and pulling that *&@! thing, my floor was cleaner than ever, and back and shoulders ached liked I had just done P90X. I was so thankful my husband bought me that dress instead of this slave machine. What a good man.
One month I will make a resolution to have a better kept home. I will actually mop every week. But it's not this month, thank God.

Resolutions

I love making New Years Resolutions. I usually make about ten lofty goals and include one gimmie, like "quit smoking crack" or "quit hooking". That way when February rolls around and I have nine broken resolutions, I can say, "well, at least I am not smoking crack."
This may not be funny to you if you are a crack smoker or hooker, but it's funny to me since I would not reveal my post nursing breasts to anyone except my husband no matter how much I was paid. One of my usual resolutions is to care less about offending other people, because someone is always offended.

This year I am trying out twelve monthly resolutions. Each month I will focus on one change, and I will get to start anew each month. That way if one month is a total flop, I can try something else the next month instead of waiting eleven months to start over. And either way, at least I'm not smoking crack.

January's resolution is to write everyday. I have wanted to be a writer since I was a kid. I love doing it, sharing it, reading it. I have this image of me in a cluttered room with a fireplace overlooking a lake. I am drinking coffee, sporting red framed glasses and smoking cigarettes while I type away. I have no fireplace, lake, glasses and quit smoking, but that shouldn't let that stop me. However, you have to write to be a writer and since I rarely get around to writing my head writing down, this will be a good habit for me to cultivate. Whether it's a blog, short story, contest entry, or letter to my kids, I will write 15 minutes everyday. I am three days into the New Year, and this is the first time I've written. I'd give myself an F, an F, and a C-. The C- is because while I did set my alarm early, and I did drag myself out of bed, and I am writing away, I have somehow deleted this blog twice in some sort of secret computer move. I've cursed more than I've actually written. I should make one month's resolution "become more computer savvy", but at least I'm not smoking crack. Okay, I know it's tired now, but I just can't help it. It cracks me up every time! Now I have spent 45 minutes writting and accidently detleting and will be late. Not only have I run out of time to proof read, but it undoubtably means I will yell at the kids who are complete slow butts in morning. I am 90% sure no one is even dressed, and we have to leave in 25 minutes. It's a good thing this month's resolution is not to stop yelling and rushing in the morning.